As women who work outside of the home and work in mixed gender workplaces, we cannot act like we are at a high tea with the Queen or go around like we are better than anyone else. Likewise, we cannot try to act like the males either. So it is a conundrum in how we should act and expect to be treated. Through the years what has worked best for me is to just do my job, be pleasant and if someone gives me crap, dish it right back at them…but I never yell sexual harassment. It works for me, but it might not work for you.

So lets see whether different things are actually sexual harassment or not…and of course, the following contain my opinion only, but ya know, I have made it all of these years and am respected by my peers and also, more importantly, by the companies I have worked for….that might mean that I have something going here, ya think?

In my opinion, unless someone asks for sexual favors from me to advance my career…or the person signs my paychecks, it isn’t sexual harassment. Period. Why is this? Hell honey, mother nature made men and women and an attraction for each other is built into the code. Do ya think that attraction is turned off and on like a light switch? It isn’t. Also, we have seen in the previous chapters that how many males look at women is not only taught from the cradle, but also encouraged in our churches and homes. To overcome that is almost insurmountable…so one has to deal with it.

The first thing you have to do is stop it exactly when it starts. Here is a scenario. You are sitting in a truck stop at the coffee counter. A male comes in and sits down next to you…that is ok, if you want privacy, sitting at the counter is not where you should sit. He strikes up a conversation with you, again, that is ok because many of us are lonely for face to face conversation. At first ya’ll are just shooting the breeze telling trucking tales. Of course, you are not flirting with him in any way shape or form…because you are not interested….right? So then out of the blue, he starts shifting where his body is touching yours and/or he starts telling you how lonely he is and how pretty you are.

STOP!!!! WAIT A MINUTE!!! This person is attracted to you for whatever reason and it is time for YOU to put the binders on.

I am an in your face type of person…and usually handle these situations with some humor…sarcastic usually, but humor works for me. I might tell this Romeo “honey, you need to go take a cold shower.” or something else equally as shutting down. I will then remove myself from the situation. And no, he is not sexually harassing me.

One of the most dumb assed thing a woman can do is allow any man other than law enforcement or a mechanic who is doing repairs into their trucks….or get up into another driver’s truck…FOR ANY REASON! I learned this lesson the hard way, not once but twice. Here is what happened.

The first time I was a rookie otr driver. We were shut down in Van Horn TX due to ice. We had been running with some other drivers and had been inside eating and shooting the bull. One of the other drivers was talking about having a tv inside of their truck…at the time, this was a rarity. When I expressed surprise that he had a tv, he invited me out to see what it looked like and how it was hooked up. Being a curious person…and not knowing any better, I went. Climbed up into this stranger’s truck and looked at his tv set up…then he hit on me hard. Being much younger and stupider then, I over-reacted and he got mad. Calling me a stupid *****, he said, “well WTF did you come out here for…to really look at my tv?” Well, yes, I had, not knowing that if a woman goes into a man’s truck…or allows him into hers…it is an open invitation for sexual acts.

The other incidence happened about 6 years ago. I had met a driver and we had exchanged phone numbers and had been talking on the phone for several months. He had made a couple of innuendos, but nothing serious enough for me to do other than laugh at him. One day, we were traveling in the same direction running about 8 hours apart, him in front of me. He said why didn’t he take a nap and let me catch up to him and we would run along the rest of the way. I didn’t think anything about it and agreed. He said to call him when I got to a certain truck stop that he would be there. I did and he told me to park the truck and come to his, he wanted to talk to me before we left out.

I parked and walked over to his truck. He opened the door and slid over to his passenger seat saying get in…I shouldn’t have done it, but I did. When I got into the driver’s seat and shut the door and turned to ask him what the problem was, he grabbed me trying to kiss me. I shoved him back and hit the ground running all the way back to my truck. I THOUGHT I knew this guy well enough…but it was my mistake in thinking that.

Was either of these sexual harassment? No, neither was…I…ME…sent the wrong signals…my responsibility not theirs.

The company I started over the road with and then worked in the office for had stacks of sexual harassment files and reports on their personnel manager and safety director…two men who had the power to advance women into solo and lead seat positions. Of course, when I was driving for them, I didn’t know this and it really wouldn’t have mattered too much to me anyways.

When it was time for me to advance to lead seat, I asked the safety director to advance me. His response was, “ok, I will, but it will cost ya.” I thought payolla…he was thinking a bj. I refused of course and went and filled out a report…it was added to the stack and I remained second seat until they just happened to need a solo driver and I was available. Back then, there was little recourse other than to just file the report and go on…and this taught me a valuable lesson too. “To thine own self be true…no matter what.”

These days, I might have reacted differently and screamed to high heaven about being sexually harassed…and I might have even filed a lawsuit…I say might, not that I would for sure. Back then, I eventually got to where I wanted to be without a lot of drama…I just set my heels in the ground and would not be pushed to where I didn’t want to go. Today, I might win the battle and win in court against the safety director and thru him the company…but at what cost to my career…and would it be worth it. Yes, I might win some money…and I might even force the company to advance me…but winning thru filing suit would follow me the rest of my working life...and would make prospective employers look at me with concern…losing me perhaps the war. The way I handled it, I not only won the battle, I won the war and came out shining.

Yes, the safety director sexually harassed me…

One of the main sexual harassment stories I hear now days is about male trainers asking their female students for sex. Through my experience of working in a trucking company personnel office where we hired hundreds of female students to go out second seat in trucks with males, I look at these stories carefully for holes.

Unfortunately, many people cannot accept or recognize their own responsibility for what happens to them…this is very true with both entry level genders in trucking. Both men and women come into the industry thinking it a walk in the park and an easy job…it looks easy, a trucker sets on their arse and just drives all day right? Well, no it is not that simple and many, once they get into actual driving situations cannot handle the stresses, the job or being away from home. When a trainer washes them out of a training program, these poor folk cannot accept that the problem lies with them because after all…anyone can drive a truck can’t they? Thus, they have to blame someone…the trainer. Some women tend to cry sexual harassment in these cases. It is a shame actually because unfounded accusations make it just that much harder for the next woman to get hired or trained and for the companies to find drivers willing to train.

Now, do not get me wrong, there are many problems with the training system that is in place at this time in trucking. There are many trainers that have no business training…probably at least as many are great trainers and conscientious about doing their training duties. The bad ones can present a false face very well until the student gets in the truck and away from the terminal…the companies play hell catching these people out and weeding them out because many reports are just he said/she said situations. We will address tactics to protect yourself in a paragraph or two…lets look at the trainers who actually sexually harass their students first or are perceived as sexually harassing them.

Here are the scenarios…

Suzy decides that she wants to be a trucker…she has heard the stories about how much money one can make and how easy the job is. She finds a company to pay for her tuition and goes through school. After getting her cdl, she reports for orientation and is assigned a male trainer. So far so good.

Suzy is sort of naïve and definitely does not understand trucking. The trainer, who is single is attracted to Suzy, who is also single, and is thinking of her as a potential co driver. So, he trains her in that fashion and makes some comments about how they should run team together. Suzy misses the signals he is putting out and allows this type of comments to continue even suggesting that she will think about it. When it comes near the time when Suzy should go solo, the trainer makes his move on her suggesting that they become intimate and start the personal relationship so they can start running full team.

Suzy is aghast! Her trainer is asking her for sex!!! OMG!!!! She screams sexual harassment, but is it really? Not in my estimation. The trainer didn’t say, give me sex or you will not advance. He was actually interested in her as a potential mate and made that quite clear throughout their time together. While his thinking as he did while in a training situation may have been not wise or appropriate, he should of waited until Suzy had moved up before approaching her, he is also a human with human feelings and got emotionally involved with Suzy. Suzy, who didn’t pay attention to either the fact that he wasn’t teaching her to be a solo driver, or that he was serious about them starting a relationship and team together also acted inappropriately by not being aware of his feelings for her and putting a stop to it when it first was spoken of; the trainer had not hidden his thoughts.

No, this was not sexual harassment…though Suzy filed suit against him.

Lisa put herself thru school and was hired as a second seat trainee for a trucking company. The lead seats chose their students out of the driver’s lounge. Lisa was not a shrinking violet and understood trucking and the dangers of being in an 8x8 box with a stranger. She did everything right. She showed up for orientation dressed in jeans, t-shirt and boots. She didn’t dress like a hootchie momma and conducted herself in a straight forward manner. She had full pajamas to sleep in.

The trainer she went out with was ok for a few days then started coming on to Lisa telling her stories of his sexual prowess. Lisa kept telling him she was not interested in hearing this and was waiting to get to a terminal to get off the truck….she knew getting off the truck away from a terminal would hurt her career. The trainer finally got to the point to where he told Lisa that if she ever wanted to move up from trainee status, she would have to service him sexually.

Lisa had been documenting each incidence of this trainer’s sexual talk by entering it into a notebook date and time included one right after another. When the trainer told her that she could not advance without servicing him, she told him that she guessed she would be a trainee forever then because she wouldn’t do it. Though unpleasant, Lisa put up with it until the next day when they got to a terminal where she presented the HR person with copies of her notes. Because the trainer of course denied it, it was a he said/she said situation so he was retained as a trainer but he was told that if there were one more complaint against him, this was the first, he would be fired and that he could not longer train women.

Lisa was evaluated by the safety department, passed her road test and advanced on her own merits.
Was this sexual harassment…yes, most certainly.

One of the main problems women face in making sexual harassment charges is in that many file false charges and many also file charges about things that are not actual sexual harassment. I have never understood it, but I have heard women gripe and at least threaten to file harassment charges about men who call them endearments like honey or baby, who open doors for them, offer help unasked for by the woman, say a curse word in front of them or tell an off color joke around them or a hundred other stupid things that do not mean crap about anything. I have even gotten flack for calling women drivers ‘lady drivers’ or using the terms lady/ladies in my articles from female readers who think it demeaning to them to be called this. Ladies, you really have to get a grip!

Now, to what you should do if you do face sexual harassment. First make sure that it is sexual harassment and not some guy being a jerk. One of my pet peeves is when a young guy young enough to be my grandson comes over the radio and says, ‘hey baby, show me your hooters!’ Not that it would be better if it was an older guy by any means, but it is not sexual harassment…it is just some guy who thinks he is cute.

So, if someone in a position of power tells you that you have to provide sexual favors to advance in any way in your career. Document it…get it on tape if possible…most cell phones have a record feature, use it. Then call your attorney and be guided by him/her in how to go from there. If it is trainer, go to the highest person in the company you can get to…and do not give them the originals of your documentation. If you do not get satisfaction from them or at least an apology, go to the EEOC or labor board. Same goes if a mechanic tells you that for you to get your truck fixed…document it and deal with it immediately…none of the above is legal or tolerable. Do not however, think that anyone will get fired over it…in 99% of the cases they will not.

Watch how you interact with the male drivers and other males you work with. Check yourself…are you giving out inappropriate signals? Perhaps you wear revealing clothes or too much makeup that presents you in a bad light to others. Do you do your job or do you use your feminine wiles to get someone else to do it. Also, you have to understand that all men are not predators, actually, most are not. Though to be honest, some men will take advantage of anything offered to them, so what are you offering?

Women have to understand that we truckers are not Sunday school teachers…well, ok, some are actually that along with preachers, but I am speaking about in general. We get tired and some find it amusing to joke and cut up with other drivers, even we women…sometimes inappropriately to the front parlor with the reverend visiting….just to get us a few more miles down the road.

Some of our brother drivers get lonely and just want to visit with a woman…and perhaps talk about their wives or girlfriends…sometimes about problems in their relationships or lack of them. I do not know how often through the years, I have had brother drivers talk to me on the cb for hours getting my take on a situation they may find themselves in…sometimes, I feel/felt like I was everyone’s auntie or sister. Some have even gotten into deep discussions about sexual problems they are having…yes, to me a total stranger, because I am a woman and might understand or have insight on how they can handle it with the women in their lives. Yes, it is sexual talk at times…but it isn’t prurient or salacious…and definitely not sexual harassment. I think that one of the reasons that I have so little trouble with my brother drivers is because I approach them as equals and as brothers. It is obvious to them that I respect them, so most give me respect in return.

Women coming into the industry have to quit being so anally retentive. Dang sisters, trucking is a rough, tough profession where we could die in the next second…don’t take things so seriously if someone tells an off color story or calls you baby…most likely it isn’t because you are a woman, but because it is what they call all women in their lives. Let that guy open a door for you, you can open it for the next guy if the opportunity arises. Get over yourselves, you are not so special being a woman who chooses to be a trucker and do not deserve special treatment…you are special because you are a trucker and not everyone can do this job and both genders deserve respect for that.

Does trucking have warts? Yes, of course it does, but not as many as it once did where we women are concerned. Change occurs slowly in an industry as diverse as trucking is and it is occurring slowly but surely. To affect change in this industry, one cannot scream at the problem or bite the hand that feeds you by bashing the industry to anyone who will listen. One also cannot only focus on the problems without providing also logical solutions to the problem addressed.

Finally sisters, as women drivers, you have to accept responsibility for your own actions and realize that like trucking you yourself are not perfect…neither are our brother drivers or any involved in this industry. If you are constantly looking for sexual harassment and discrimination, you will not only find it, at least in your mind, but you will make yourself, your company and your peers miserable. If you find yourself doing this, perhaps you should rethink your decision to be a trucker…trucking is not for everyone and perhaps it is not for you.

I welcome all comments as long as they are productive and civil.

Ya’ll be safe!

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The only stupid question is the one you do not ask...

four very informative and interesting posts LG . They make you think about how you are really representing yourself to the industry and men in general .

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just a bucket truck driver

When I was long haul I have had TNT and TTR (these are the two companies that it happens the most often with) drivers jerk off while driving beside me. They will pass me ever so slowly when they are finished. Then everytime on the 401 in Ontario, as we are coming up to a service centre...they will actually drop BEHIND me just in case I go in so they can follow me!!!! It's frightening. I have almost peed my pants may times.

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Steffany Perkins

Wow, Steffany! I'm also TO based, and run the 401 to get pretty much anywhere... never seen that. Or been followed into the service centres. You be safe, girl.

BTW, if you're Canada Cartage... have you ever loaded at KIK in Concord? Gotta be one of the worst planned loading docks, with no manoeuvering room. There's quite often a CC truck when I'm there.

And welcome - glad to have another Canuck on board.

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10448-D

When I first started driving...and the hiway was 'quiet' (usually after supper) ....I have had drivers (in semis on two lane highways) 'show' me their....attributes. And being young and having no idea....I, of course stared....which is the worst possible thing to do....

That kind of stuff hardly ever happens now...but when it does(usually with the young'uns trying to impress or startle someone)...I ignore...just look straight ahead...or pretend to answer the phone...or adjust the radio.....

...and when those young boys finally grow up....and have children .....well all that 'silly' stuff will have a different meaning....

dmla
PS...I should also say that I took all of that 'sillly' stuff as just 'pranks that boys do' ....to much tetestrone and not enough brains.....

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Membership # 10842-D

I have not even met another female trucker my age. I find that a lot of older women go to trucking after the kids leave. They have the maturity and experience to deal with *******s. (I do now). I started my career when I was 24..then quit for a few years, starting again at 28...now I am 29. I honestly think that I should stop wearing makup. I look horrible without it. However I think that I should be able to represent a good image for my company, without being hunted. I am LTL and stop at many places. I don't pick up much, maybe twice a week. KIK sounds familiar but there are so many crap docks. One is Shatrading in Scarborough, the people are great, but the dock..OUCH. There is only one way in and out..you can't see around the corner and it only fits one truck at a time on entrance or exit. Forget about straightening out. Most stores that I deliver to in Toronto with a 53ft...Oakwood/St. Clair, Bayview/Moore, Finch/Jane, Keele/Steels, Queensway/Stephen etc...are really really tight..only a few inches to get through. Not including making Right turns...bad spots are Bathurst, right turn onto St.Clair...and Oakwood, right turn onto Eglington. However I like it..it challenges my skills as a driver and keeps me sharp.

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Steffany Perkins

Good points - could be also that I sit fairly far back (I'm 5'9") so unless I'm leaning forward to play with some buttons, or whatever, that the idiots don't realize there's a woman driver until it's too late to play silly-buggers.

Mind you - its amazing what you see whizzing by you in a 4-wheeler! Guys in 3-piece suits letting it all hang out. No - that's NOT a stick-shift, and the only thing that will happen if you play with it in traffic is that you'll be in an accident! I like to blast the ai-horn at those crotch-jockeys and see how fast they zip up when they realize they're "on display" And the "ladies" aren't much better!

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10448-D

Yeah - we have city drivers so that the bigger highway cabs don't have to try to get around those tight corners. My hat is off to the city/LTL drivers. A lot of the other drivers look down on the city guys, but quite honestly - they do a job that I wouldn't want. And I'm grateful to them for hauling that 53-footer to its final destination. Of course, I get jealous that they're home every night. But - thems the breaks, and I chose to do this job. And I like that I have a dedicated tractor with all my stuff in it. The city guys take whatever tractor is available.

Nope - you do all the tight turns, and deal with rush hour. I do believe I'll do yet another rounder to Chicago.

Oh - and I never wear make-up unless is a special occasion... dunno how many times I wasn't thinking and rubbed my eyes. Then I spent the rest of the day pretending I really, really meant to look like a raccoon! Don't care if I look awful. I'm neat, clean and polite... what more do you want?

Have a good week, girls!

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10448-D

....dress appropriately and professionally as possible....(Miss Manners here :)..)

I think what 'those' drivers want is the 'startle' response...

...well no one can tell another what to do....but...we live in a social society with a set of social rules and norms.....

and depending on where a driver wants their career to end up.....they will follow one set of rules or another.....(but...it also depends if a person knows and understands the 'unspoken' rule(s) )......

...if in doubt about one's personal appearance, it might be a helpful idea to ask a few ppl that you trust....what image you are relaying to the general public.....

all in all....there are 'jerks' out there in the world and there are real nice ppl out there too....

Best of Luck...(well it really is not lluck...Plan for your future....set a goal....)
dmla

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Membership # 10842-D

and my hat is tipped to the city drivers too.....an inch here, wiggle a bit to get over there....pedestrians...little cars...light poles....cement casements.....sunshine outside/dark inside....
OMG!! just give me a highway.....


and a tip...I did not know that (at one of the produce warehouses) I could 'pay' one of the shunt drivers to 'put my trailer (53 foot) in the door.....

NEXT TIME....I will have some cash on me...and I won't have to spend 20 minutes trying to wiggle a highway unit back to a dock.....

dmla

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Membership # 10842-D

Wonderful, succint, examples LG! My thoughts exactly!

Just a tip ladies, at least here in the US it is a crime to expose yourself to another! First I "lean" on them and they get scared enough they have to put both hands on the steering wheel, then I call the police with their tag# and description of the vehicle. Here it can place them in the sexual offender category and that is a huge thing these days! If it is a trucker, I also call their company and tell them I have called the police on their driver for illegal activity. You don't just let a peeping tom get by, nor do you let a flasher!

But most of all, I never look over as it gives them fuel for their fire. If they hang out beside me, then I will look to make sure they are not trying to tell me something valuable and slow down to take myself out of the danger zone. I rarely ever talk on theCB. Most of the time the decent hard working drivers are not the ones on the radio anymore, they are the preverts and instigators.

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Member Id#: 10736-D

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Edited by Miss Impala on Aug 4, 2009 at 04:41 AM

Excellent info Miss Impala,,,,,

the hardworking, reliable drivers are usually NOT on the CB....

We have cell phones now and that is what I have used....instead of broadcasting to the general public.(1000's ofpeople listen in to CB talk) ..who you are, what you need/want, where you are going and why you need help, I just use a cell phone.

(however if you are going into a bad area....and get lost...or can't find your delivery point..or they are closed when you were told that they would be open..do not ask or talk to anyone....go back to a safe area....call dispatch or the customer and start over ......

And if you really need communication and have to use the CB, be very vague, lower your voice, give misinformation. But that can catch you too...there are instruments that ppl can carry in their car that tell how close the 'broadcaster' is.....(and I forget what that darn thing is called)

A good rule is to stay off of the CB, especially in big cities....sometimes I do leave it turned on ...just incase their is an accident...or construction....or during or after a bad storm (or winter driving roads).

dmla

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People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Membership # 10842-D

Quickly I wanted to mention a few thing that some are not aware of:

Male Truckers are often flashed by Women in "4-Wheelers" and also by Men, yes it's true.

There are some people who like to be "seen" neekked and use the Highway and some Public areas for this purpose.

I have girlfriends who are truckers who have had other male truckers give them a "drive by" but more often it is a regular passenger vehicle that "wants" you to "see" them.

It's nothing personal, they probably can't even tell you are a female driver, just that someone will "look" at what they are proud to show.

They do it to the Men also and even though it's not spoken about as much as the girls who flash, it is actually more common that the girls that flash.

The view from a tractor is very different indeed, I've seen drugs, and enormous amount of texting and that nice man in the suit driving his crown victoria who from the waist up looks like the sort of fellow you'd like to shake hands with, until you pull up next to him and see his expensive slacks are around his ankles while he is driving and both hands are not on the steering wheel.

I wouldn't take it personally unless they are hindering your driving, which does happen when they continue to speed up and slow down so you will watch the final product.

Keep in mind , they cannot actually see you from that angle and most times are assuming you are a male driver.

They just want someone to give it a peek

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Desiree Member #10546-D